Be My UnValentine
Friday, February 15, 2008
Guest Rambler: Lisa White Nelson
Relation to Aimee: Oldest and very wise sister
Notes from Aimee: Lisa graces us with her thoughts yet again. Here is her perspective on the recent holiday we just celebrated. Please share your opinions and thoughts in the comments! I'm sure these last two post about the holiday are a bit revealing about our family...
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I don't mean to be the scrooge of Valentine's Day, but I have had mixed feelings about this holiday for years. If you are single it's the worst day of the year for obvious reasons. We are coming up on our 11 year anniversary and I think we finally figured this whole day of love out. In years past we've tried to conform to dinners, flowers, chocolates, and the Cd's with love songs, you know the drill.But, my husband Andy and I have never really been big on these obligatory gift's for any holidays or birthdays. So, years ago we decided to call a Valentine's Day truce. My mom's birthday happens to fall on this special day and my parents found out pretty quickly that Valentine's night is the worst night to go out to dinner. First you wait an exhausting amount time to just get to your table, only to wait even longer for your food to then be rushed through your meal so that the next lucky couple can get your table for their moment of bliss.
Valentine's Day is supposed to be the day you let that special someone know how much you care, but I can't help but feel like it has turned into a big marketing ploy. As I went to just the grocery store this morning it was all a bustle with flowers, balloons,cookies and overly excited employees. A couple of years ago Andy mentioned this truce to some co-workers and they were having nothing of it. They sent him right out to the store and home he came with a new CD, flowers and a card.
We had a good laugh, and I actually loved the CD, but feel like this one day of the year shouldn't be so important. I think it's the little things we do every day for each other that matter a lot more than flowers and, "I love you's" on Valentine's. I appreciate that my husband wakes up every morning usually almost a full two hours before I do, he always leaves the toilet seat down, and he often times gives me a relaxing foot rub at the end of each night.
Here's what my perfect Valentine's day looked like today. I woke up to a nice call from Andy where he asked me to pick up something for someone in need at church, my daughter Julia's Valentine party at school where we all came home with frosting in our hair and my daughter Rachel with a fat lip, heart sugar cookies, Andy brought home some pizza for dinner, we put the kids to bed and then Andy fell asleep on the sofa while I watched Lost.
I guess it's not that I am not a romantic, maybe I am too much of one. I think every day we should be things big and small for each other to show our love. I don't need flowers and chocolates I want my husband to share my life with me and care about me and take a vested interested in our family every day and every minute and he does just that! Thanks Andy!
13 Comments:
I wanted to actually expand on this over on my blog BUT I can see how valentines has become commercialized (just like every other US holiday), however it's a reminder and celebration of love. I agree we should show it year round, but then again we should celebrate Christ and be patriotic year-round as well but we celebrate Christmas and the 4th of July.
So fun to meet "the other sister." I'm sure she's just as wonderful as Aimee and Shannon.
I guess I have a different take on holidays and celebrations (such as Valentines). I whole-heartedly agree that daily deeds performed between sweethearts is what REALLY creates and fosters love. Amen, amen, amen. However, in the craziness of life, children, jobs and housework, it is so easy for spouses to become disconnected and disengaged in the monotony of life. I have found it is so important to take time out and do something out of the ordinary occasionally, whether that be on Valentines, an anniversary, birthday or simply when it's needed, to keep the "spark" alive and continue the courtship. Whether it involves a meaningful gift, a special dinner, an overnight get away, or a heartfelt poem, it only matters that the one receiving it feels that they are cherished and that their sweetheart went out of their way to make them feel extra special that day. Those times simply add to the beauty, sanctity and unity of the eternal courtship of marriage.
I am right there with you guys. I heard on the radio the average person spends $125 on Valentines. That means there are a lot of people that spend WAY more, 'cause we're spending WAY less! Mike was also dragged to the store by a co-worker this week so he could pick me up a card. He still got the tsk tsk that he wasn't doing enough...but he held strong! I know my hubby loves me, and he shows me with all the little things and on the days that really matter. It just seems less authentic when it is expected. It is always a good excuse for some new lingerie, though... :)
A breath of fresh air, Lisa. Thanks for that. So good to read from you. Your love for your family and sweetheart is very apparent through your words... be it Valentimes or not.
Happy Birthday to Mare, too. I was thinking about her yesterday! - XXOOX Brooke
I couldn't agree with you more Lisa. But maybe it's in the genes. I stopped at my favorite store (All A Dollar)...Mark's treat was red licorice. When we were growing up, people forgot Mar's birthday because they concentrated on Valentine's Day. So I always tried to do the "secret admirer" thing for her. We had fun thru the years.
...Oh, I do have to add that giving Valentine surprises to grandkids is really fun...
I agree that V Day is just a big marketing ploy. We would celebrate Saint Stupid if enough card companies made money.
Daniel
I agree that V Day is just a big marketing ploy. We would celebrate Saint Stupid if enough card companies made money.
Daniel
Sorry for posting that twice. Also, I hope it's clear that I meant Valentines Day, not Victory in Europe Day.
Thanks for all the great comments everyone! I loved hearing about your own V-day feelings and experiences.
I wholeheartedly agree with your entire assessment of Valentine's Day. When I was single and happened to be dating at the time it was kind of a fun holiday, but once you get married, all it is is a marketing ploy.
We try to celebrate the way you do, as a family holiday. And our night last night was about as romantic as yours ... although you can define romantic anyway you want. We got take out early in the evening and then after kids were in bed, I read a book on the couch while my husband worked on his dissertation.
Loving your spouse is really an every day thing and it includes all the big and small things, just like you said.
And with all of our same viewpoints on life, why have we not hung out together more often ... our husbands included? I think they would get along great, too :) !!
I agree that there is an importance of rituals in our life and holidays are one of the rituals we experience year after year after year. So yes, on one hand I really see how important it is to have events that mark the passage of time.
But I do agree that the commercialism is way too much. I am not one to go to the extreme of anything so that is why I choose to spread my love all through the year. It is nice to have a day but the pressure and expectations society places on it is an interesting sociological happening to me.
Love all the comments though! What a fun, controversial topic.
I can't believe I haven't commented yet...it's fun to read everyone elses thoughts.
Amen to all that's been said.
Tyler is way into surprises...some years we celebrate more than others.
Anyway, fun thoughts.......
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