Surprise, Surprise: The Obvious Announcement

Did you watch the Jon & Kate divorce episode tonight?
Thoughts? Opinions? Tears, cheers, or who cares?

I must admit that it was my first full episode I have ever seen but in honor of the celebrity divorce I thought it was appropriate for me to do a plug for preventative couples counseling. I heard them say a few times that it was a slow process of falling apart which is usually how it goes with divorce. I am a big fan of couples counseling (obviously) and here is why. Ready for my therapy soap box? Hold on tight.

In America, we have little problem going to the dentist twice a year for preventative exams. We schedule our 6 months cleaning appointments so we don't have to go through the awful pain and dental trauma of root canals, crowns, or heaven forbid extractions. We love our teeth and usually want to keep them until our dying day. Dentists try and catch the fillings each visit so your teeth don't rot and fall apart. If caught early enough we save ourselves from greater cost and pain down the road. It is normal and expected that we take care of our teeth and because of this dentists are rich and Americans have lovely pearly whites.

But when it comes to preventative work on a very, if not the most important relationship in our lives we hesitate because of cost, shame, or lack of time. The slow, churning, under-the-surface problems can lead to resentment, sadness, and miscommunication or lack thereof (as we saw with Jon) that if not addressed, results in divorce or just two people, unhappily co-existing in the disguise of holy matrimony. Sad. Very sad. Who wants that for their relationship? I don't believe that the majority of couples get married thinking they are going to get divorced when they grow up (think 1980's anti-drug campaign).

American's teeth are beautiful but the divorce rate is crazy high.
Why aren't we taking care of our relationships the same way we are taking care of our teeth?

What happens very often is that couples go to therapy when it is time for the relationship to be "extracted" so to speak. One person is so emotionally divorced from the relationship and they spend most the time trying to convince the therapist why the divorce must happen. At that point it is more difficult to do much recovery work. If the couple would go to counseling when little problems pop up (or cavities - keep going with my metaphor here!) it could possibly help the marriage in significant ways down the road. No need for extractions when you have done the work on your marriage, right? A few visits to the therapist a year might save yourself from emotional pain, divorce expenses, child support, and all the other complicated mental, spiritual, and social cost of ending a marriage.

There is no judgment from me about the decision of the Gosselins. Honestly, I get that some problems are more intense than yearly checkups. The whole subject of divorce makes me wonder that if our culture spent some more time and focus working on the little issues we might be able to prevent some of the bigger ones.

Point of my post: No reason to be embarrassed to go to counseling if there seems to be some bumps in the road. You might find that it is actually more interesting than going to the dentist.