Open Letters: Part Tres
Friday, May 7, 2010
Dear Al Gore (thank you my anonymous editor),
How did we do business before emails? I get so many business emails in a day. How did we communicate before? Phones? We actually had to talk to each other? Ugh.
signed,
hopeless when the internet is down
• • •
Dear Workers At Costco,
You looking at my receipt and swiping it with a black marker as I walk out the door is pointless. When I asked why you even do it you said you are checking for duplicate scans but YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK AT MY RECEIPT MOST OF THE TIME. JUST SWIPE SWIPE SWIPE WITH YOUR SHARPIE.
(example)
annoyed when I forget and put my receipt in my purse and have to dig it out
• • •
Dear All Items That I Own,
Can you just put yourselves into boxes for the move?!
signed,
threats of donations otherwise
• • •
Dear iPhone Headphones,
Please come home.
signed,
breaking driving and Goddess Oprah laws until you are found (I haven't signed anything yet!)
• • •
Dear Family & Friends In My Life Who Have Gone Through Pregnancy,
You could've warned me about pregnancy constipation!
signed,
plunger in hand
• • •
Dear Canada Dry Green Tea Ginger Ale,
You are so tasty in my mouth - like a way better version of Sprite. And you have anti-oxidants.
signed,
Yum
• • •
Dear Karma,
I am very excited to take Penny Simkin's birthing class.
signed,
thankful to the pregnant woman who canceled so we could sign up and get off the waiting list (but I hope it wasn't because you miscarried - not good for the karma, ya know)
• • •
Dear Creator & Actors of Freaks & Geeks,
Beautiful series. Wish you lasted longer. I wasn't done with you all yet. We were just starting to really get to know each other. I'll visit you at your grave near Arrested Development.
signed,
surely to watch you again someday
• • •
Dear Writers of Lost,
Tears this week. Again. And I don't think it was pregnancy. It was just really sad.
Are you planning on more body count of main characters before the finale? I am going to prepare myself.
signed,
attached to fictional people and hoping to be invited to a finale party
• • •
Dear Scotty,
You are such a great husband and friend. I feel so satisfied with our love. I am grateful for you everyday. You are such a blessing in my life. Do you know that?
signed,
appreciative of all favors you do for me
10 Comments:
You guys are the cutest. :-)
Would knowing about the constipation have made you not want to get pregnant? Cuz I am thinking...no. Ha.
Freak & Geeks is awesome!
Dear Aimee,
I Love it when you write these letters.
signed love reading your blog
Freaks and geeks huh? It's on my list. Especially if you dare rank it next to arrested development!
Ahhhh! I went to costco today, and was wondering the SAME THING. What the hells the point???
Also, I to cried watching Lost last week. How in the world is it going to end??? Did you hear that the last episode is going to be like 2 hrs long?
I have the biggest crush on Jack Shepard. I was also kindof confused because I couldn't remember what was up with Richard, and Benjamin Linus. Why weren't they with the survivors in this last episode?
Dear Aimee's Blog,
Thank you for being awesome.
Signed,
Bored in Blogging Land
.
I love getting my dose of Aimee in this format! You should do stand-up. I hear they have a amateur night at Giggles. ;) Thanks for visiting your blog again.
*Eva
who is al CORE?
I really want to be able to sign the Oprah pledge, but darn I get so tempted to pick up the phone. Not, texting, but what if it's you on the phone? Much too difficult not to pick up. At least I do hands-free!
I love your letters!
i totally look forward to your posts.
Oh., and maybe I should warn you that the post pregnancy poop is even worse. (thank heaven for stool softeners) (this kind of reminds me of my sunday school lesson yesterday.)
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