A Change of Seasons
Thursday, October 21, 2010
photo by Scott
Yesterday was my first day back seeing clients at my therapy practice and today as I was driving to my other work for the first time in over a month, I couldn't help but be reflective about how differently I feel inside from the last time I was driving into both these places.
I don't think any advice anyone could've given me, or how many friends with babies we hung out with, or however many trainings I took and taught on the transition to parenthood could have prepared me for the changes I would feel becoming a mother. I am not specifically talking about the in's and out's of managing a baby, although there are those, but I am talking about the redefinition I would feel about who I am as a person, wife, friend, sisters, daughter, friend, therapist, and well... you get the point.
For the past few weeks I have been trying to hold onto anything that was familiar to me. All the ways and the roles that defined me Pre-Cash. Real or created I have felt the ME slipping away. I have been feeling a little lost inside myself. I was having a hard time being present with people because I was focused on my little man which is what I should be focusing on but I struggle with the conflict of being who I was and being who I need to be now. Does that make sense at all? I even feel weird writing it down here. The extrovert didn't know what to do with herself as the hours passed until Scott came home from work the few days I would stay at home. I was more teary than normal, my hair needs some major reworking (think The Jennifer 1993), I often have spit up on my clothes, the tethered feeling to Cash felt overwhelming at times even though I love every single inch of him.
But the last week and a half, as we have gotten more into a routine, I've felt myself feeling a little more settled and present. My emotions are feeling more balanced and I am starting to believe that maybe
And as I was admiring the beautiful changing colors around me while driving today, I couldn't help but think that perhaps just like the change of season, I am just moving into new season in my life too. A change of season isn't so bad, right? Even though you might be sad about saying goodbye to summer, there is something wonderful about all the colors and wearing sweaters and boots. Right?!
Just a change of seasons, my friends.
Just a change of seasons.
Let me introduce you to the new me...
14 Comments:
Well said, friend. Well said.
Right! :)
What a beautiful post. I wish I could find words sometimes to explain my thoughts and feelings the way you just did. You hit it right on the nail.
I really love your honesty.
I love your honesty as well. You are giving me courage that I, too, could be a parent. :)
I don't typically leave comments on blogs of those I don't know. I found your blog through Erin's page. However, this post hit home for me - Especially those first few months. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to feel kinda "normal"
Anna
Amen sister!!!!! You really have a great way of expressing yourself, which I envy! I felt that way too and still do sometimes.
well said.
although i do have to say you have still been ever so present with me, your sista!
I remember a conversation Lisa and i had pre-cash -- we said we had tried to prepare you as much as we could -- BUT there was no way you could really know until you experienced it for yourself.
you're mothering beautifully!
You're going to be more than fine because you're so in touch with your feelings and you are patient enough to give yourself the opportunity to ride those feelings out.
It IS just a change of seasons. :-)
So so so true Aimee. As always, perfectly said. It does take re-adjusting to own that new identity, but before you know it, you won't even be able to imagine yourself not as a mom. I think that's great that you are finding such a perfect balance of work and mom-time to satisfy all the roles in your life. We are all so lucky to get a piece of you, but I think Cash is the luckiest of all.
I have loved reading about your thoughts since becoming a mother. I relate so much. I can tell by your reflections and conerns that you are and will be a perfect mother for your little guy. After reading this last post I went back to some of my early posts. You might like this one
http://toddandchelseagambles.blogspot.com/2009/11/mommydom-unplugged.html
Loved this post! So glad you are feeling more and more like yourself again!
Nice bit of writing sis!
Welcome to motherhood. All of those feelings are normal and I've found that I redefine "me" with each child. It is a unique and personal experience as mother nature works miracles through us. Conquering the emotional balance has made me a stronger person who can feel more joy than ever though possible!
Post a Comment