But Their Streets Did Not Feel Like Mine

I am currently obsessed with the song above so if you could please press play and listen while you read my post I would love for it to act as background music. Please and thank you. The song has that nostalgic, haunting, wonderful bittersweetness sense about it that makes me want to put it on repeat a few times a day.

It is from the movie Up In the Air. Scott and I watched this movie again about 3 weeks ago and we were reminded what a brilliant piece of art was wrapped up in its 108 minutes. It was lovely and understated and one of the reason I still believe in movies.

MIA

So how is everyone? Scott tells me it has been forever since I have blogged. But you see, I already knew that. I told him it was because I didn't really have anything to say. He told me there was plenty to say. And I knew that too. I have just been in sort of a non-creative cloud and I feel my heart and mind have been appropriately swallowed up by this amazing little human that has entered my life. I had the thought before having Cash that I didn't want to have this space turn into the baby, baby, baby (think Marcia, Marcia, Marcia) but that I still wanted it to be my mix tape. (And that would include Cash and motherhood too on occasion, of course). So I was in a pickle because I didn't know what else to blog about but what was going on with me - which was him essentially. I wanted to stick to the promise I made to my old self and as life has gotten easier with this little man, I am finding my way back to my voice and seriously I have missed it here.

So hello! I hope there isn't an echo here from being away for some time.

Cars
Perhaps I could tell you about the awful year of car problems I have had. I am hoping this latest adventure was the last of its kind for the year. A man driving next to me starting honking and moving his hands to indicate that smoke was coming out of my engine. As if I hadn't noticed. I just waved back at him. I know he must of thought, "Crazy woman driver." I know he was being nice though. I was just trying to make it to my dad at the airport before the temperature on the dial started reading HOT HOT HOT. I barely made it to him. Barley. I figured if I made it to him than it would be his problem. Because car problems are NOT problems I am very good at. Especially with an infant in the car. My little silver Honda in all its 192,000 mile glory has been a peach but if a gang steals it like Scott's old Honda, truthfully I wouldn't be totally broken hearted. Unfortunately, I highly doubt they want that Honda though.

I won't bore you with all the other car adventures I've had but just know that it hasn't been pretty. Hoping 2011 gives me better car karma.

Fertility and its nemesis "In"
I have a handful of good friends that have had it rough this year with making and/or losing babies. I just want you all to know that I am sending good universal cycle of life energy to you. I am not going to tell you about it being part of the plan and how you are going to grow from it because I'm sure you know that. Blah, blah, blah.... I just want to tell you that I think it really sucks bad and that is all there is to it. I hope 2011 brings strong, energetic spermy, open, accepting eggs and/or quick result to IVF. When (and yes, I said WHEN you get pregnant) my heart will be so dang happy for you. If I got a magical wish for 2011 I would give it to you all. And YOU know who YOU all are so I am not going to make a list.

The Do
I cut my hair again. It was modeled after me from these years. I needed something new and it is crazy how something as simple as chopping your hair and lightening it up a few shades helps redefine you for a few moments. Postpartum curves and all. Thanks, Emily. Jillian and I will be hugging it out this new year now that the c-section scar isn't so tender and I don't cringe to think about running or doing sit-ups.

Cash Money
He is the best. Never realized how much my parents loved me until I get to see this miniature person interacting with us. Thank you, Mom and Dad! He was a great sleeper and unfortunately we've regressed in the sleep department. From the time he was born he would give me a good 4-6 hour stretch, wake up, feed, and quickly go back to sleep until around 8-9am. Awesome. Or should I say was awesome. I am just accepting the new waking sleeping patterns as a 3 month growth spurt or teething and telling the bags under my eyes that it is only a phase. Phase is the best word as a new mom. I think it will be my word of 2011. I repeat it over and over at night when he is up for the 4th time. It helps me get out of bed.

Dear Sleep,
I will see you again someday, right?
I miss you and want to spoon.
Love,
Sleepless in Seattle

Cash already practicing The Look (thanks, Jon - too funny not to reshare)

Paternity Leave
Scott's contract with drugstore ended at the end of October so we are calling these last two months of unemployment his "paternity leave". It has been wonderful and Cash has been spoiled to have his parents around quite a bit for the first few month of his being alive. Scott is the stay-at-home while I go to work and has been doing more amazing that I ever supposed he would do as a dad. I know this sounds like a back-handed compliment but I honestly mean this in the best way possible. He was always nervous and fearful of parenting but it looks so great on him. Sexy even. I think we will all be a little depressed when he goes back to work someday. Until then we are just going to enjoy our modern family.

The End For Tonight
Was that more info than you wanted? Perhaps I should return to my cloud?

Must sleep now. I will no doubt be up sooner than my eyes wish to be but as the song says:

"Forget about the things you want. Be thankful for what all you got."

Amen, Dan Auerbach. Amen.

Goodnight, friends. Thanks for sticking around with me.