Oscars Oh-Niner

Overall, I thought the Oscars were a little boring this year. Good thing we had some fun company over to keep me laughing. This folder of Oscar dresses has been sitting on my desktop for over a week and half now and I was about to trash it but then thought, "ahh, why not?" So here are a few of my harsh honest thoughts on the dresses this year. I figure it is better late than never. Sorry to be soooo last week.

Hello, Charlize. 

I think you are beautiful but all I can look at in this dress is your rosey breasts. 

And did you tivo yourself when you made the schpell about that one nominated movie because 

all we could look at were, yep, your boobies with the light shining brightly on those lovely flowers.

I think that is what you were going for. What do I know?

I'm sure it got the men's attention.

Cam, Cam. If you are wearing a dress as dynamite as this one 

put your hair up for heaven's sake or do the fancy, messy side bun 

or something that gives this this dress a do that it deserves.

We'll expect more from you next year.

Tina, Tina, Tina. 

We all know you aren't as awkward as Liz Lemon in real life.

What happened? Not my favorite choice for you. 

Great bit with Downey Jr. though.

I imagine you saw what they had written for you and rewrote it to actually be entertaining.

Could you just write the whole thing next year?

Bad dress but we still love you and always will of course.

Sandy, I have such mixed feelings about your acting but nice job nailing the Hollywood Glam for your big night! 

No complaints. You look hot. 

Your cheatin' man (or should I say Vanilla Gorilla...oiieee) doesn't deserve you 

but I imagine that it's more complicated than that.

Oh love; how tricky you can be.

Don't even get me started on this one. 

Bella, you are NOT a vampire in real life. I repeat. NOT A VAMPIRE.

This mysterious, aloof, non-smiling act you play - even when you are just presenting or standing on red carpet - 

makes me want to lasso you off Edwards back when you are flying him and throw you to the ground.

Your awkwardness pains me to watch. Paaaiiiinnnnnnsssss mmmmmmeeeee.

Why are you here? I don't get it? Are either of you in movies? Write movies? Huh.

Nice job being spicy, Maggie. I dig the bold color when everyone else was doing the subtle nudes this year.

Demi, do you never age like Richard Alpert from Lost? 

You look so freaking hot it is almost creepy.

And while I am in this somewhat judgmental celebrity mood I might as well also rant about the lip jobs. I don't like them. Not one bit. It changes their faces and they become someone different to me and it makes me sad for them. Please see the two examples below. I like their old faces better.

Courtney, your lips look voluptuous they also look fake and not part of your face. I'm sorry to break it to you.  

I can't even watch Cougar Town without be totally distracted with her lips. And not surprisingly, the whole storyline is crap. It was on tonight in the background and Scott feel asleep and the remote was soooooo far away from my comfortable position on the couch so it unfortunatly had to be watched. There was one part that was so bad that I almost got up to get the remote. Almost. How does this stuff get made and put on public television? Ppppppaaaaaaiiiiiinsss Meeeeee. 

I am so dramatic tonight. Time for bed. Night Night.

Oh wait. One more thing. Sometimes there is just nothing better in the world than the high fructose corn syrup in a late night bowl of Frosted Flakes.Take that, all you Michael Pollan freaks. I like Frosted Flakes every once in a while. So sue me.

And the last thing. This meaner side of me only comes out on occasion. I prefer to keep her caged because its not the prettiest version of myself. But every once in awhile is fun, no?