Would You Be Mine? Could You Be Mine?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
My little man is approaching 4 months. Wowza.
Time.
Time.
Time.
Slow the heck down.
Here are some favorite pix al la iPhone 3GS.
He is rocking a pretty cool mohawk right now too. He is punk like that.
His side hair is slowing starting to show up.
We will miss his mohawk. 
It is pretty easy to make Cash smile. I think he likes being alive.
We like him being alive too.
The Woes of Sleep
Our hardest thing right now is sleepy time. Ugh.
It is funny when you become a mom your realize how many voices there are out there telling you what to do. Co-sleeping. Cry it out. Nurse on demand. Baby Wise. Ahhhh. What is the right answer? I just don't know.
The thing is, I don't think I would be too tormented by doing the cry it out. I've had enough moms report their success and I know I would just have to buckle down for three nights and it would solve the pain I am having behind my eyes due to day after day of non-consecutive sleep.
Won't You Be My Neighbor?
The big kink in the cry-it-out plan is that we have neighbors. Correction: Upstairs neighbors. I have tried a couple times to reach out to these upstairs neighbors and get chummy with them so they don't start doing voodoo on us. Baked goods. Smiles in the hall. Ear plugs were left with a cute note the first days of Cash's life saying, "You've obviously HEARD we had our baby here are some ear plugs for good measure..." blah, blah, blah... it was nice and apologetic. They haven't been too warm in my attempts which makes it even more awkward. We share some serious walls with these strangers and it almost feels weird to not even slightly know who they are. I've seen him a couple times and I have yet to see her. The only reason why I know their names is because I see their names on the magazines the postperson leaves on the bench next to the mail boxes. Since I haven't the slightest who this couple is I make up stories of their lives.
This is who I've deduced them to be with my mad detective and master observational skills. I often do this in public places too. Scott enjoys my antics. Hopefully you do it.
(Please note: Most of these things are made up by me - for fun. Only fun, people. Only fun.)
Her:
1) Freelance Writer - she works from home. I know this because I often work from home and I hear her up there all the time. What other job could possibly have you working from home? Unless she is in sales (which I never hear her talking so I have ruled that out) or an assistant to a sales rep for Nordstrom who travels a lot. I can't imagine anything else so I have concluded her quietness is her writing/typing. When I took the earplugs up I strategically planned to take them when I heard someone "working from home" up there which leads me to my next point...
2) She struggles with depression and has social anxiety - she didn't answer the door when I took the earplugs. I knocked then it got quiet in there = social anxiety. I have yet to see her walking down the stairs or going to her car or checking the mail or crossing at the door. She rarely leaves. Too bad for her we have a crying baby below her. Escape the baby cries or escape the apartment? Hard decision for someone struggling with agoraphobia, right? The depression helps with the creative writing too so her job is a good fit for her.
3) Since she is on paxil for the aforementioned point she has a very low sex drive. Those SSRI's are a bitch, people. Because of this we rarely hear any hints that there might be some "funny business" going on up there. It is unfortunate because this means if they hear any "funny business" downstairs he gets jealous and it creates a fight so we try and keep it down. She hasn't really loved him for years now. They've been together for almost 10 years but she stopped loving him at 4. She is distant and cold to him. He wants to love her and be close but she still fantasizes about the boy she met in a writing group she went to about 4 years ago when her agoraphobia wasn't so severe. They still email and chat on Facebook.
4) She is a PC. Not a Mac.
5) She hates to cook. But doesn't really eat much anyway. She just sort of pecks on crackers and cheese and whatnot around the house. (I never hear her cooking).
6) She doesn't believe in marriage so they are now in a common law and file jointly to get some tax breaks. She doesn't have his last name, you see.
7) She also randomly has the same name as a popular late 90's early 2000's sitcom actress (true fact) which she hates because people will say, "Isn't that the same name as the actress from.... " sort of like how people do with us Heffernans with King of Queens although I am not bothered by it like her.
Him:
1) He is in sales. I don't know why I just get the vibe from him.
2) He played soccer in high school but was only average. Sometimes he plays outside with some kids and is just average but seems like he sort of knows something about the sport. He loves to watch soccer. This is fact. I heard him cheering a lot during the world cup.
3) Every once in a while he gets crazy drunk and is super loud at like 3 am (true fact). This is why. He manages most the time with the fact that she doesn't love him but deep down he knows that she does not feel the same as he does about her. Every once in awhile the anger gets the best of him and he binges and ends up getting really angry and blacks out in a drunken stupor for us all to hear. His mom never allowed him to have feelings so he doesn't know how to communicate properly. His father also binge drank so it was all that was modeled to him. Deep down he just wants to be loved and not viewed as average anymore.
4) His best friend in the world has been his friend since he was 9 years old.
5) They went to visit his family (and his bf) over Christmas on the east coast and got stuck because of the snow storm over there and ended up having to stay for 2 more days. (We were much more relaxed with Cash's crying when they were gone. Loved it in fact. Makes me want to be a home owner).
6) He moved out west for college at WSU and met his girlfriend in the dorms there. They moved out here for his sales job, which is he just average at also.
ok ok. Enough of them ... back on topic.
So anyway, those are my neighbors and the reason why I struggle with having Cash cry it out.
Has anyone lived in an apartment or townhouse that has advice on what to do with a crying baby and neighbors? I need all the help I can get. Do I just be up front with them and ask when they are going out of town next? Or do I just do what I do and have them voodoo. (that rhymed).
Calling all experienced moms out there - I would love any advice I can get on getting this kid to sleep longer than 2.5 hours during the night. I am open to any and all suggestions! How do I break the habit of him wanting to eat every 3 hours in the night? New mom needs help. This is your chance to give back, friends.
My neighbors and I need you.
19 Comments:
i loved this post, aimee! your list of your neighbors' backstories is classic.
can't wait to meet cash in person! he is so, so cute!
We started sleep training a few weeks ago--followed Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" to the letter, basically--and I cannot tell you what a difference it's made for us. All three of us are much happier and more well-rested, and Hannah & I both feel it was one of the best parenting decisions we've made to date. Weissbluth's tone bugs me sometimes, and he doesn't really address the fact that a baby's sleep trouble could be due to anything except lack of sleep skills (e.g. reflux), but we found everything he said to be almost 100% true for Arlo. I definitely don't think his approach would work for everyone, but it was awesome for us.
A few anecdotes and reflections (kind of long, but I hope this is helpful):
1. We ended up making a bunch of changes all at once -- transfer from our bed to his crib, swaddle to sleep blanket, sleep training. The couple of weeks leading up to that point were just getting worse and worse. Arlo had started boycotting the co-sleeper, so he was in bed with us, but he wasn't sleeping well at all. He'd wake up every 45 minutes and want to nurse, but then he'd fall right back asleep, and by the morning he'd be super tired and gassy and uncomfortable from all the snacking. It also took us the better part of an hour to get him to fall asleep every night (and for every nap), with nursing, rocking, bouncing, etc. Exhausting, and frustrating. I was worried about Arlo being able to make so many adjustments all at once, but it didn't really make sense to do it any other way (we needed him to transition to the crib, and we figured that since thumb/hand sucking is the way he usually soothes himself, we couldn't keep swaddling him). It turned out just fine.
2. The first night A cried for about 30 minutes after we put him down, some of which was kind of hysterical. It was agonizing, and we second-guessed ourselves a thousand times but also kept reassuring each other that he was fine, and it was worth it to give this a shot. Then he fell asleep, and he slept for six hours straight, and although he fussed a couple of times when he wanted to be fed, he didn't cry again that night. The next night he cried for about 15 minutes, but it was a lot less intense. Since then, we've had a few fussy nights but more and more totally awesome moments where we put him down and he falls asleep immediately.
3. I slept like crap the first few nights, because I was worried about A getting his arm lodged in the crib rails or getting stuck on his tummy with his arms pinned under him or something. (He's a pretty good roller, but he sometimes has trouble locating his arms once he makes it onto his stomach.) So I bought a video monitor, which I love love love.
4. We've still had a couple of rough days, nap-wise. Arlo's never been the best napper, and while I think the sleep training is helping with that overall, but to the extent he still cries w/r/t sleep it's mostly when we're trying to get him down in the afternoon. We're confident that it will get better, especially once he starts day care (next week!) and is under the spell of those magical baby-whisperer childcare providers. :)
Cont...
5. Neighbors: We live in a big apartment building, and we have neighbors on all sides. We're lucky in that because of the placement of Arlo's room, he doesn't share a wall with any other bedrooms. And the people above and below us don't have kids, so we were pretty confident that nobody would be sleeping in the little rooms right over and underneath A's room. We did start sleep training on a Friday night, partly with the idea that people wouldn't be as bugged if they heard him. But honestly, we didn't worry about it too much; the crying didn't last long, it wasn't late at night, and it's not like they're never going to hear him crying otherwise. If you're anxious about it, maybe you could take them another treat, with a note explaining that Cash-man is going through a tough sleep period and y'all apologize in advance for any bothersome crying, but that you expect it will get better soon. I wouldn't sweat it, though.
Sorry again for the looooong comment(s) (who knew these things had a character limit), but I so get where you're coming from right now. Feel free to email me if you have any more questions!
Lots of love to the three of you,
Emilie
P.S. Could Cash be any cuter?! Dying, here.
Aim, I have no advice on the sleeping but on the neighbors. It is called LIVING IN AN APARTMENT so who cares what they think. You are parents doing the most amazing thing ever. Because you are a considerate person you are aware of them but if they have a problem they can buy a house. My thought is you shouldn't give your neighbors a second thought on what is best for you and your family.
xoxo
Aimee,
I also suggest the "Healthy sleep habits healthy child" book. My sister still uses it with her third child and all her kids sleep amazing and take naps like clockwork. We call her the "nap nazi" but she needs her kids to take their naps so she can be sane for a few minutes. I bought the book and loved it. I haven't had to sleep train Marcus because he sleeps pretty well. He takes good naps but doesn't sleep all the way through the night. I figure once a night is ok for him to get up to feed but if it's more than that I just put his binky in his mouth and he usually falls back asleep. I agree with your other friends, don't worry about the people upstairs, there's nothing you can do about it, but I loved your thoughts on who they are. We did that in our first apartment with the creepy guy upstairs. Good luck, he's adorable!!
MIchelle
My baby slept all night until she hit 4 months. Then she started waking up every 3 hours. WTF? We have determined that it was a growth spurt. Our doctor suggested starting her on rice cereal. And it actually helped. Now she is back to sleeping from about 11pm-4 or 5 am. We give her rice cereal mixed with breast milk in the morning and before bed. We were holding off as long as we could on the solids because my husband has severe food allergies. SOME doctors suggest that breastfeeding and introducing solids as late as possible can reduce food allergies. Anyways, enough rambling. You could try that. It might fill his tummy up a little better before bed and help him sleep a longer stretch. Also, I wouldn't worry about the neighbors. You have been more than nice. He is SO freaking cute ps.
I don't get some people and how they don't answer the door when they are CLEARLY home. I've had that happen but as an apartment manager, I'm sure a lot of the time if they answer the door and it's me it might not be good news. Noise is an issue in any building and it's not like you aren't trying to reach out to them. If they don't want to participate in it, that's on them. You're doing your best!
I really think it's been far too long since I've seen Cash. He's growing up so quickly! So adorable.
I LOVE Cash's impish smiles. He is so expressive! Wouldn't it be funny if every single thing you said about the neighbors were true? I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case, since you are a master people-reader!!!
Omg, Amelia. Dying laughing, here.
This is why high school was bearable.
And yeah, voodoo is my vote. I know some good spells too and they may or may not involve a middle finger. So neighbors beware. Ha.
I like to write and I do not like unexpected visitors. But I do like cookies and Aimees, so I'm not sure what her problem is.
Love the Cash. Love his parents.
I think someday you will write a book. And I can tease you about how popular you still are and how you are now homecoming queen of the world.
how did you not tell me you posted earlier. laughing so hard, we'll have to talk about this tomorrow...
I'll bring "Healthy Habits Happy Child" for you to borrow tomorrow too. But remind me, I have a newborn too -- therefore my brain at times is fried.
This post was so funny! I don't have advice on raising a baby in an apt. but I remember when we lived in an apt. and our downstairs neighbors had a baby- it did SUCK for us. But here is the thing- you have reached out to them, I think that's all you can do.
As for sleep methods- Caleb wakes every 4-6 hours to nurse so I have no real advice on getting the babes to stay asleep. My friend did CIO with her 4 month old and it worked like a dream. We haven't gone there, but the only thing that works for us is co-sleeping. We are slowly moving Caleb to his crib (the first part of the night) and that is going well.
I hope things get better and you get some Z's. Cash sure is a cutie!
I have no advice. Actually I do.
The only thing that worked for us was rice cereal. Both kids started sleeping better when I started doing rice cereal mixed in with formula/and or breast milk right before they went to bed.
Also, love the neighbors back story.
My advice. Men don't lactate, so any man who has written a book trying to tell women how to get their baby to sleep, doesn't know what he is talking about. Unless he has lactated, and woken up to feed a nursing child, he can't understand.
Wes struggled sleeping through the night, and he would only go back to sleep if I nursed him. My pediatrician told me that it was because he was getting the majority of his calories during the night, which is why he was waking in the night, so if I stopped the night feedings all together, he would eat more during the day, and be less hungry in the night. We wore ear plugs in order to get him to sleep through the night because he would scream for 3 hours straight. After a few nights, it totally worked.
If your neighbors are anti social, email is a great way to communicate. If I were you, I would just tell them that you are trying to teach your baby to sleep through the night, and ask if they hear him cry. Tell them you are going to try to let him cry it out and it might be a few nights of him crying and you don't want to bother them, so ask what nights might be the best that won't be too intrusive. Like a weekend when they can sleep in or something. Good luck!
Oh, also, maybe your neighbor needs to switch to Wellbutrin.
Don't have sleep advice sorry. Maybe as more kids come.
I just have to say that I love your made up lives of your neighbors. I can't imagine having neighbors that aren't family since my apartment neighbors have always been my parents.
good luck with befriending them....well....wait....you don't really need to be friends with them guess but look getting a nod or a smile or something to let you know that things are ok between the two of you.
okay. first of all, your analysis/diagnoses of your neighbors was so awesome. poor guy. i really hope she gets a hold of a good therapist and gets some help :)
second of all. sleeping. yikes. my little will gave me the same problem. so . . . at just about 4 months we decided it was time to cry it out. baby wise didn't work for me. nor did rocking him and then laying him down. he only wanted to sleep while being held, and never for very long stretches. so once he didn't need the middle of the night feeding anymore (like i said, around 4 mths), we just let him cry. and we were living in an apartment. but sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. i felt bad for our neighbors those first few nights when he cried for an hour straight, but the thing is, i felt worse for me. so i selfishly won and hoped the neighbors wouldn't egg our car. and guess what? they never did. so it was okay. and eventually, he became a good sleeper. it took way more than 3 nights for him to get used to the drill, but he did get it. for a long time he'd cry for a couple of minutes still, both when we laid him down and sometime in the middle of the night, but he'd fall back asleep on his own.
anyway. baby woes. it can be rough. good luck. little dash is such a doll.
*cash. oops.
Aim! You are hilarious! I loved this post, I was laughing out loud. I would like to hear your diagnosis of me one day!
Since I am an upstairs neighbor to someone, my advice would be. Don't worry about it. You tried. If they have a problem with crying Cash, they can take the initiative to communicate with you. I think you have tried to be proactive. When I hear things from the downstairs neighbors (who also have a new baby), I realize it comes with the territory and it doesn't bug me at all. If it ever did, I would talk to them about it. I say otherwise, don't worry about them.
PS, Cash looks adorable in the big bird outfit. It was sweet of you to send me a pic. American Apparel--you are too good.
Her: "actually, it all started about 2:30 am. My inconsiderate child-neglecting neighbors refused to feed their child during the night. Oh, she tried buttering me up with Betty crocker skills and cautioned me by taping some earplugs to my door, but since I couldn't sleep, I just let the noises in my head flow through my fingertips onto my PC. I am still reeling that my "bloodshoot" series is hitting the big screen!"
Oprah: "well, you sure deserve it. And if the audience members will look under their seats, they'll find the keys to their BRAND NEW CAR!!! thanks to her husband fogiving us such a great deal! (not that he needs the commissions!)
Oh, and that neighbor baby, finally started sleeping through the night.
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