Endangered Women
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Yes.
And Double Yes. (rated PG-13 = use of a totally appropriate f-bomb)
Or wonderful, joy-wearing, thoughtful women of our future are going to become extinct.
No good.
No good at all.
It has been a hard couple weeks in my therapy room with women hating themselves and voicing awful thoughts they have about their bodies, personalities, and basic core beliefs about who they are.
Who taught us/them these things? Who can I blame?
I am pissed at what the world (families, friends, boyfriends, moms, dads, other women, media, etc) has done to us.
I need hope from you all.
I would love it if you could share something positive, genuine, and beautiful you truly believe about yourself.
All is not lost.
Right?...
clips via sizzle's shared items and carrie from last year too.
(thought they appropriately needed to be posted together)
20 Comments:
Yes, I am pissed at them too.
So now that I'm YW pres I have these young girls to help - help them grow into strong, confident women. Lord help me. I'm with Alisa in that of all the 'values' I think Individual Worth and Divine Nature are the keys. If a girl/woman can grasp those and have that has her core, the rest can come.
I think I'm funny, I love my shoe size and hair length, I love my friends who love me for me, I love that I've changed in the past 3 years and am glad every day I can choose who I want to be.
Thank you for being their therapist Aim. You are probably the most eye opening, self assuring, light of all lights that these women need. Thank goodness they found you.
Good luck - remember how amazing you are as you help lift up these women.
No, all is not lost! I love myself, even when I don't. Does that make sense? I have a core sense of worth that, thankfully, I grasped when I was young. Divinity, family love, etc. all helped that. Even if I'm dissatisfied with my efforts, my shape, my actions, in the moment, I still know I'm good and wonderful and beautiful no matter what occurs.
I've been low down on myself the past week (lifetime?) so this is a good question to ask me and for me to answer.
Something genuine and beautiful I believe about myself? I believe the light that burns inside me is visible in my eyes, my smile and my warmth towards others. I believe that despite what I've been told and, let's be honest- have swallowed!, I am a good-hearted person, a true, authentic person who is beautiful.
I knew you'd love that Emma video! :-)
What a perfect question for me to contemplate this morning. I love the self-awareness that my mother passed down to me. Even when I'm not happy with my looks, a corner of my brain is able to look at my thoughts objectively and try to talk some sense into myself. I love my body's ability to run, run, run until my lungs burn and the world seems impossibly large and beautiful once more. I love that no matter how saturated the media gets with fashion and superficiality, I still find outer space, microscopes, painting and dusty novels to be completely and utterly fascinating.
I love those videos. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for being angry. We should get angry.
A long, long time ago I decided to become my own best friend. I realized that I am more than my body, my face, and the picture that other people see when they look at me. The most essential, interesting, attractive parts of me are not visible. I love and believe in myself, even when I get discouraged and confused by outside messages.
I am mother to two young boys, who will learn 99% of what they'll know about women from living with me and from my example alone. I owe it to them and to every girl they'll ever love to be accepting of who I am from the inside out, perfectly imperfect in every which way.
I adore you, Aimee. Thanks for giving me a moment to reflect.
I believe I am strong, and I love how my, sometimes surprising, strength carries me through. I hope to pass that strength on to my daughters.
Love you.
awesome post Aim.
I've been thinking about this topic quite often as of late thanks to some family stuff thats been brewing.
Also sort of related, but not quite, I read an interesting article in the paper on Sunday about the fact that in Japan, even though there have been massive devastation because of the earthquake and Tsunami, there has been absolutely ZERO looting. This is sort of amazing and unique because any time there is something like this in America (and other countries) people's first instinct is to often loot. Take what they can. And often it's not because of survival. The journalist said that whats set Japan uniquely apart is their deep respect for others and their property that is taught at a young age and fostered through adulthood. What is it that we are missing over here in the states? What are we not teaching our children and especially our daughters? These basic qualities such as respect of others and respect of ones self are being lost. This makes me sad.
It also makes me sad that this assignment is so hard for me. But maybe that is the reason I need to do it so badly! Okay, here goes. I have a great sense of style. An eye if you will, for what looks good, or what could be. I am fantastic at seeing the possibilities in an old/used home, item of clothing, or something a little worse for the wear. I am a great teacher, and have zero fear of speaking in public which I hear is rare. I love my feet, lips and I think i have great hair. Oh, and I make a mean pot of chili.
Our media has a lot to do with how women views themselves physically, emotionally and psychologically. If you look at body types in the past you can see how drastically the "ideal body" has changed and you can see a direct link to the proportion of self loathing and harm women cause to themselves.
There is a really great video called Killing Them Softly that we show in class as well as the Dove "Evolution of Beauty" (if you haven't seen you need to Google it now!) that helps show people how the media is affecting women.
Often times we look at our culture and think we are the best and then look at Middle Eastern cultures and view their treatment of women as horrid. There is a great article by an Arabic woman who says she would rather be covered in a Burka than be subjected to the body scrutiny American women face every single day.
I admittedly have down moments (who doesn't) but I try to find one thing I love about myself physically and go off of that. For a long time it was only my neck! Now I try to find something new each week that I LOVE about myself. Right now it is my awesome breasts because they give Caleb nourishment and have allowed me to share a wonderful bond with him.
Probably the favorite thing my mom ever told me and my sisters was growing up: "nobody cares about you as much as you care about yourself." I realize this may sound like the opposite of what you are asking for, but not to me, because what she meant is nobody cares about your "faults" as much as you think they do. As in, nobody cares that you had crap in your teeth all day long. It's probably a little backwards but I feel like for me it works. I think of my friends who are so consumed with what others think of them that they are not living their lives for them and I am thankful for my funny mom and her weird way of teaching me to have self confidence.
Oh I just love the Imagine video. I really needed this today..so thanks for posting!
I am a 43 year old mother of 4 with 2 grown daughters. One of them (my oldest) has the worst self talk to herself. We've talked about it many times. She would never talk to anyone else but has developed this hurtful habit.
She is so lovely, so talented, a wonderful mother and has thankfully acknowledged this and is trying to change it. Not sure why this daughter has this struggle and the other doesn't!
My good news is that I recognize the influence I have with people and have faith and hope and strive to lift others everywhere I go. I love the women in my life and am so inspired by them.
thanks for this post.
I had crazy good self-esteem in high school, for absolutely no conceivable reason, and oh my that was a huge blessing. For some reason, adulthood has diminished that brazen confidence, so this is a fantastic exercise.
I remember a friend of mine in high school tried not to laugh much because she worried about wrinkles. I thought it was the silliest thing I'd ever heard, and still do. I'm 33 and I could not be more proud of my premature wrinkles: I love to laugh, and make others laugh too!
And I loved those videos. Thanks Aimee!
You're right... It's sad and scary and I think just about everyone is to blame, but why? I don't know. Enough is enough though. It's disgusting that so many amazing women don't feel good enough. So I'm going to say that I am pround to be a woman. Proud of my education, my accomplishments and my talents. Whoop!!!
I just had this same exact conversation with Ashley last week-If you don't think you are the best no one else will either!
The other day Ashley asked me if I thought I was to fat-I said no" I am happy how I look now-and I look fabulous!!" Of course I would look fabulous 20 pounds lighter or 20 pounds heavier. I love what I see when I look in the mirror, don't get me wrong I can be as critical as anyone but I always walk out of my house saying damn I look good!!
This has been a really hard year personally for me and I have been judged, mocked, and every decision I have made second guessed by toxic PTA moms and if I was not so self confident and strong I would be curled up in a ball crying all the time. I am teaching my daughter that it doesn't matter what you look like-you rock what you have!! So me I love my chest and I show off my Best asset any chance I can get! Thanks Aimee for reminding me that I need to be a positive example Everyday not just for Ash but for all her friends, my friends, and to keep my head help high because I am fabulous and I know it!!
I need to read this and all of these comments today. Love you, Aims.
-Brooke
i love how much i am able to love. love my son, my husband, family, and even people i don't know. i love that because i'm aware of the love my Heavenly Father has for me, i can feel good and confident and know that i am important to Him. i love that i feel compassion for others, especially right now. it's hard to see people suffering in japan, but i love them and i can pray for them and i can hope for them. i think that if we can recognize that we have the ability to love others and feel real things for other people, we can feel good about ourselves.
you're doing good things for people, amy. i really look up to you, even though i've never met you in real life! :)
This is my biggest biggest biggest gripe I have. [my soap box] In fact, if I ever go on the get a PHD my thesis will be on the topic of girls/women and how they are quickly learning to love themselves less and less. Why do we do this. Why do we not love everything about ourselves. Including our flaws. None of us our perfect, but some reason feel we need to be.
I feel I am pretty good to myself. I try to be.
After teaching hundreds of girls about body image, self love, talents...and hearing again and again girls telling me there is nothing they like about themselves I vowed to LOVE myself, if not just for me, then for them too. I can't teach something I don't believe. But I do LOVE myself.
I love my style, I love my thriftiness, I love that I laugh at my own jokes, I love that I can look in the mirror on certain days and think "WOW I AM ONE HOT MAMA!" I love that I am genuinely trying hard to be a good mother and feel I do a pretty damn good job. I love that I can love myself without being worried that the love I feel for me and who I am as a person is just me being egotystical.
I tried again and again to let girls know that it is ok to love who you are. I hope it sunk in with some of them.
Wow. Watching both of these I immediatly thought of Chase. I worry so much about raising her to be confident, independent, happy. I want her to love herself for all the right reasons. I want her to not depend on others approval for her self confidence. This world we live does not make it easy for girls. It has never been easy for me. Guess thats why I am always trying to find the way to make it better for Chase.
mom and dad did a great job of giving us really good self esteem(s). now we all (us sisters) do a great job of expressing how awesome we are! :)
I love I have a happy gene, and attitude. I love how easy it is for me to laugh. I'm a fun mom (mostly) and wife (mostly). Just to name a couple.
After husband moved out 2 1/2 years after nearly 40 years I had to go from WE to ME and have found I really like myself. The best revenge is to look good and I have lost 45 pounds and am jogging again. I really like ME.
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